The oh-so-purrfect dinner party is being replaced by the convivial supper

Did the dining room feel a little unfamiliar as you opened the door to prepare it for the annual family feast'.' Perhaps you no longer have a room carrying that label. having replaced it with something less formal.

What was once the second most important reception room in the house has been usurped by the kitchen. That is true even at the very top of the market.

Willie Gething of the buying agency Property Vision says it is difficult to sell a house, whatever the price, unless it has a fantastic kitchen. One of his clients was instantly put off 15A Kensington Palace Gardens - yours for £35m -by the basement kitchen designed for staff use only. "Even at this level, he wanted it to be a family area where he could sit amd relax with his children."

The basements of smart terraces in Notting Hill, which 10 years ago were laid out with a formal dining room and separate kitchen, are now being opened up into one multi-purpose space. Some owners are reinstating the dining room on the next floor: others are deciding it is a luxury they cannot afford.

This shift is partly a question of making best use of limited ground-floor space: but it is also about changes in lifestyle. A revolution of informality has turned the dinner party into supper. With that comes a change of scene.

Carol Bennett of Designed Interiors, which refurbishes London homes, says it is two years since her company produced a formal dining room for a private client. Most no longer want one: those who initially do are often persuaded of the merits of widening their entrance into a dining hall instead.

"Fifteen years ago the invitation was 7pm for 8pm." she says. "Today no one is even home by then. Guests don't want four-course meals: they want a howl of pasta and to be able to talk to the person who is cooking it.

"The Americans have really influenced the new relaxed style." she adds. "We get a lot of requests to turn what was a dining room into a 'den' with sophisticated TV and hi-fi systems. If you are still hesitating about what to do, ask yourself honestly how many times you will use a dining room in a year, halve your answer and then think again."

Sophie Grigson, the food writer, extols the virtues of having a dining hall rather than a dining room. Her house in the country has a large table in the room which joins the kitchen to the rest of the house. During the day it is used for drawing and reading: at weekends, for eating.

She would prefer one huge cooking/eating/living room but her cottage-style property won't adapt to that. If she had one, she would use candles and decoration to dress it up for special occasions like Christmas. "I think formal dinner parties are on their way out."

Grigson says. "Eating is all about sharing and conviviality."Dining halls are starting feature in new developments. Walker residential has put them into the conversion of a mansion in Kent, where empty-nesters are paying £495,000 for large apartments. Elsewhere developers insist dining rooms are an essential feature in "upmarket" schemes, where buyers aspire to both formal and informal living.

Even in grand country houses, where space is at less of a premium, owners are questioning the need to cordon off one of the best rooms in the house for only a handful of special occasions. Computer desks are replacing hostess trollies in the corner of the dining room, as families seek ways to make it a more integral part of the house.

The demise of the dining room is linked to the disappearance of staff from middle-class homes. Not surprisingly, the one place to which they are returning is in the grand stucco houses of central London, which are home to the catered-for classes.

Couples who use caterers on a regular basis prefer to have them hidden in the kitchen, leaving them to entertain their guests elsewhere. "At the top of the market there has been a huge resurgence in grand entertaining." says Brian D'Arcy Clark of agents Chesterfield.

"People aren't necessarily looking to accommodate children. They will want the large kitchen with family area, but the dining room is equally important.